How can it be like that

I know I cound not refuse to admit the truth. I just.. screwed everything up ,deceive myself, conceal my deep feelings, and then being distrusted. NOTHING lasts forever, even my own perseveration which I've taken pride of so long... God just play a coincidence on me . A case of unfortunate, a diploma. He patronized me .. to see through the mirror , whose beautiful surface is actually full of assosiations with those fuckin' human nature...

Maybe someone is excellent, smart, tenderly, handson ,,, maybe u could add up to another 100 charactoristics of affection .. But is there anything to do with ? NO.. they're not yours .. Now they're not and forever. I could afford everything. who realy played a damn way in that chaos.. Who'll care?
Over - self-esteem is a dangerous thing.. it will NEVER bring u happiness. A noble self is not made for expanding. To love is not to take over.... I didn't understand it . I just couldn't. When I was 16...
I need tranquility, something is tearing my soul. I donno what kind of person I'll be. So if the situation get really bad, just .. LET IT BE. so well I have nothing to do with.. except for declaring my attitude. Despair is another side of Braveness. Be brave. I've never changed a thing about it..